I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
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