I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
