I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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