I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
