Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
