I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
