if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
