Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
