i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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