i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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