That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
