some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
