why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
