my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
