If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize