also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
