He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
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Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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