i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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