Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
