Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize
