At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
