i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
