some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
My breasts were aching with rage.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
