Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
