More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
