i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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