hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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