I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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