I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
