Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
