The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Two words: nipple clamps
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