I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
smell my finger.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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