my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
