please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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