are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
What a dumb baby whore.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Who died my cat blue again?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
