So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
