I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
