you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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