Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
