youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
