I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
