Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
