The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I won't apologize to a one balled man
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
