You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I want her autograph on my taint
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize