i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
