I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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