so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
