I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
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My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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