hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
