He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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