your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
