All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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