When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
