My liver just broke up with me...
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
