he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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