you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
