Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
