Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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