Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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