so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
