so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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