Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
