the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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