he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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