i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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