do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
