my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
