The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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