There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
