Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
