I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
