Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
