this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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